Life is Beautiful

it's 29th Oct. wow.. it's only been 10days since my birthday..thou it seems there have been happening alot with me and with my life...

some notes I wrote on my diary on 22nd october..while waiting to see a doctor.

the question of 'why do we live?'
it's been asked as long as the human history..
and it will not stop as long as we exist..
the red rashes blisters all over my body... stress allegy?

I come to a hospital and am sitting in the waiting room.
I see people. old people. sick people.
a question arises. why? why suffer? why live?
Not knowing. not having the tool to experience deliberately... 'love'... 'peace of mind'...
I feel, unless i know how to keep my mind in peace all the time, it will be like living as a rat running endlessly in its cage. running like mad. time goes but not progress.


what could be more important than this.
most times I feel ok but knowing that something can upset my peace of mind and knowing that i dont have the effective tool to deal with, the suffering will not stop.

soul mind body

unbalance of mind..

I believe that when your mind stops suffering, your body will stop suffering..

Even if you could own the whole world,
if you dont know 'yourself' 'the inner truth'...
you have nothing.

when you know the truth...
you will have the whole world.


I wrote some in korean but I dont have korean fonts with me at the mo. So rough traslation was done..:-)

been reading some of my essays..and haha..been writing 'bawling' my eyes out as 'boiling' my eyes out. silly me. did that once with 'licking' and 'leaking'...-.-




I am on my journey to find the truth at the mo.
it's very interesting. :-)

today...errhh, it's after 12..so, technically yesterday..was my birthday... now I am 27! twenty Seven! wow... I felt rather exhausted last night and wasnt looking forward to my birthday at all. however, it wasn't too bad today... my flatmates made nice dinner for me and also fruit tart and chocolate cake etc...

Jeroen rang me from nz to say Happy birthday...I totally missed out his birthday in May this year,thou...my bad...anyway, birthday is just another day ..but it's so nice to be able to have people around you and also have friends ringing you, emailing you to say simple birthday greetings..

love

that's what makes the world go around i guesssss :-)

just finished reading The Pianist by the polish pianist who survived the 2nd World War in Warsaw.it was great..i mean it's really sad..but amazing ..the journey he had to go thru for 6yrs.. ive seen the movie a while ago and then, it was on sky the other night. So, I watched it again, boiled my eyes out again, went to the library to get the actual book, read it and again, couldnt help but crying. -.- I got to read the last few pages in the tube and i had to close the book, cuz I knew I would just cry there. it makes my heartache that the german officer who saved the pianist in the last minute ended up dying in Russian prison. and the story of how the pianist later on finds out who it was (cuz he never told his name) and ended up meeting his family in Germany.

I am not sure since when I started to get...softer or I dont know how to put it..anyway, when I see or hear those sad stories that exist in our lives...it just comes thru right at my heart. When I was young, i used to laugh at my mum when I see her crying watching a sad movie or drama. My brother and I (when we were really young) were more interested in mum's reaction (whether she cries or not) than the actuall sad stories. Now as I grow older, and realize that there are more and more of the sad stories in life, (which arent neccesarily bad thou..things are sometimes very beautiful but sad), somehow Ive become totally open about it. By 'open', I mean, I dont resist them. I let things talk to my heart, without trying to sieve it with my mind. and because things get to my heart much more easier than before, that's probly why I cry at things alot more than I used to....

alright..sometimes I talk, not knowing what Im talking about. It alwasy happens at night..u see, its 1 15am. Im teaching tomorrow, so better get to bed, get some sleep!

Paris was good and Geneva was beautiful. went to Geneva for an audition (well, didnt land on a job -.-) but did enjoy looking around and loved being in a different place. was thinking..what a luxuary life style this is..thou I didnt quite land on a contract yet. (I would say..this life style is very exciting, yet can get very depressing.) anyway, in the audition, we had to do some improv. and a bit of acting stuff. had an impression that they were looking for theatrical performers. I feel Im more into technical and repertoires/ performance focused dance companies... damn, when would I land on one as such..-.- got paid from Baileys..dont think im a featured artist.(wouldve been nice, wouldnt it...getting paid 5000quids for 7days work, huh).. but still a good money I got ..will probly keep me going for at least 2-3months.

Im thinking of moving out of my place... I stayed in a double bedroom upstairs for 3wks as my parents were here..and now I got used to the space. cant think of going back to my square box.
and I also would like some regular work. think doing nothing makes me crazy...

Paris was just great. what a beautiful city it is..the whole town was so well planned. the streets were wide and straight...compared to London, it had a feel of 'Open-ness'...I loved it. The town also had a very romantic feel about it and maybe that's why every corner of the streets, every second bench in the park, you end up noticing couples kissing,hugging, 'oh-my-god, cant get my hands off from u-people. Some of them made me smile but some did made me cringe..I mean, really..some of them should've really gotten a room somewhere else.. however, I thought if i could choose where Id fall in love, i might think of Paris. I was also glad my parents enjoyed Paris. Especially I had the impression that my dad really took a liking. Alright, think all the photos are copied on the computer. will be back and write a bit more later. ciao.