Wednesday, January 26, 2005
TO be fully naked. Being able to see your 'self' being naked. the only way you can be with your truth. the denials. the false image of yourself defending yourself from your distorted image that u dont want to face...
-----------------Wednesday, 26 January 2005 6:23:30
To : kolitha
it's me, the mother superior...
arrrgghhh.
am doing fine, everthing is great. til a couple of weeks ago! :-) I was coming out of a changing room and this guy walked passed..we looked at each other..there was this long corridor and as I looked back at him, he was also looking back at me from the end of the other side..then i knew..'dammit!'....... he's a choreographer/dancer..originally from Israel. I never thought of him or thought i would have feelings for him..so bizzaire. it's...i dont know, the eye contact..? that just got me right in my heart. ..maybe Im imagining. gee. he knows me..as in, we would say hello to each other when we see each other..but other than that..Nothing. -.-
it's also not good for my spritual path!!!! hahahahaha. Im actually at the place where I teach and where he choreographs..he was here like 5min ago. He just walked in and checked something on the internet and went out...I thought my heart would come out of my throat! it's mental! (shuddup koli, I can see u laughing ur head out now!)
ok..that's my sad story..dont know if he's seeing someone, dont know how old he is..(must be late 20s or early 30s) even if he is actually straight or not.(my gaydar says he's STRAIGHT as!) duh.
im like 27!! will be 28 by the end of this year! im too old to be like a school girl!!!
(he just came in and sitting next to me. what is this..like a running commentary of ..a love-at-first-sight? bridget jone's diary? gee gotta stop this. otherwise I will be the next bridget jones!)
Im sending u this email and yes..Im going to a class..
-.- what should i do. silly billy.
love you heaps.
robin
--------------------------------------------------------
even the moment I knew I liked him, I wanted to deny.
why now? why do I feel this? I dont want to be distracted.
but now i see it. it's showing me how much i was controlling myself over simple things. throughout my whole life. being myself. the idea I had that I do what I want... even that was me controlling myself.
dancing. Dancing makes me happy. that's why I dance...?!
No, it can't be. I am myself. so I dance.
dancing is me, exppressed.
dancing is me, experienced myself expressed.
whether it's happiness in me, the sadness or the madness, darkness or my insanity.
or...just pure 'Being'ness.
:-)
-----------------Wednesday, 26 January 2005 6:23:30
To : kolitha
it's me, the mother superior...
arrrgghhh.
am doing fine, everthing is great. til a couple of weeks ago! :-) I was coming out of a changing room and this guy walked passed..we looked at each other..there was this long corridor and as I looked back at him, he was also looking back at me from the end of the other side..then i knew..'dammit!'....... he's a choreographer/dancer..originally from Israel. I never thought of him or thought i would have feelings for him..so bizzaire. it's...i dont know, the eye contact..? that just got me right in my heart. ..maybe Im imagining. gee. he knows me..as in, we would say hello to each other when we see each other..but other than that..Nothing. -.-
it's also not good for my spritual path!!!! hahahahaha. Im actually at the place where I teach and where he choreographs..he was here like 5min ago. He just walked in and checked something on the internet and went out...I thought my heart would come out of my throat! it's mental! (shuddup koli, I can see u laughing ur head out now!)
ok..that's my sad story..dont know if he's seeing someone, dont know how old he is..(must be late 20s or early 30s) even if he is actually straight or not.(my gaydar says he's STRAIGHT as!) duh.
im like 27!! will be 28 by the end of this year! im too old to be like a school girl!!!
(he just came in and sitting next to me. what is this..like a running commentary of ..a love-at-first-sight? bridget jone's diary? gee gotta stop this. otherwise I will be the next bridget jones!)
Im sending u this email and yes..Im going to a class..
-.- what should i do. silly billy.
love you heaps.
robin
--------------------------------------------------------
even the moment I knew I liked him, I wanted to deny.
why now? why do I feel this? I dont want to be distracted.
but now i see it. it's showing me how much i was controlling myself over simple things. throughout my whole life. being myself. the idea I had that I do what I want... even that was me controlling myself.
dancing. Dancing makes me happy. that's why I dance...?!
No, it can't be. I am myself. so I dance.
dancing is me, exppressed.
dancing is me, experienced myself expressed.
whether it's happiness in me, the sadness or the madness, darkness or my insanity.
or...just pure 'Being'ness.
:-)
Monday, January 24, 2005
it's 24th Jan. 2005.
didnt get to write anything on this almost for 2months.
I'm the Place library and am teaching the open level this evening.
well, this is not what I wanna say.. anyway, who's reading this? u koli? dont be naughty!
dont know whether youve got my email..that i will be dancing with Royal Opera...in France!
man, I cant wait til the day where I get to dance in the opera where you'd be singing..woudlnt it be nice?? :-)
lotsa to tell ya..
but better get going.
Library isnt exactly the right place for me to write this...
cheers
didnt get to write anything on this almost for 2months.
I'm the Place library and am teaching the open level this evening.
well, this is not what I wanna say.. anyway, who's reading this? u koli? dont be naughty!
dont know whether youve got my email..that i will be dancing with Royal Opera...in France!
man, I cant wait til the day where I get to dance in the opera where you'd be singing..woudlnt it be nice?? :-)
lotsa to tell ya..
but better get going.
Library isnt exactly the right place for me to write this...
cheers
