Saturday, July 31, 2004
I wrote quite a bit the other day and it all went down the sink when the internet connection got cut off..oh well, tough. have no plan to re-write all again..-.-
anyway today I met Cyrus and it was great seeing him again. went to a local pub near Willesden Green tube station and talked for a while just catching up on what each other's been doing for the past 7-8months. bizzaire seeing him in London..hahaha, it's great. gotta write to Koli, I guess. all those great memories of our flat in Wellington...
he seemed to be doing alright and we said we'd go to a movie sometime later... just remembered how he liked going to the movies when in wellington.
the weather hasnt been too bad this week..thou the first day back in London..it was grey and wet..how shitty i was....thinking gee, Im back to 'grey london, arrrggghhh!!' :-) well, london's not too bad..actually..anyway,I did have a great time in Vienna. Especially the last week..cuz some good friends of mine were also there. just hanging out with them at Rathous, Outdoor cinema, Stephans platz.. all the desserts and ice cream, etc...just fan-bloody-tastic! the last night in Vienna, I also got to go to Prater at last! went on a ride which was awesome...was screaming all the way thru but it was an absolute bomb! on sunday-the day I was flying back to London- we-me and matt- went for bruch and talked for a while. was surprised that he wanted to do something together..was nice of him. I somehow didnt expect it at all. anyway, it's all behind me now..so back to my reality in London..gotta find a job! :-) The dancers' project at The place this week went great. it was very open and got to meet a great bunch of dancers. alright, am off now.
anyway today I met Cyrus and it was great seeing him again. went to a local pub near Willesden Green tube station and talked for a while just catching up on what each other's been doing for the past 7-8months. bizzaire seeing him in London..hahaha, it's great. gotta write to Koli, I guess. all those great memories of our flat in Wellington...
he seemed to be doing alright and we said we'd go to a movie sometime later... just remembered how he liked going to the movies when in wellington.
the weather hasnt been too bad this week..thou the first day back in London..it was grey and wet..how shitty i was....thinking gee, Im back to 'grey london, arrrggghhh!!' :-) well, london's not too bad..actually..anyway,I did have a great time in Vienna. Especially the last week..cuz some good friends of mine were also there. just hanging out with them at Rathous, Outdoor cinema, Stephans platz.. all the desserts and ice cream, etc...just fan-bloody-tastic! the last night in Vienna, I also got to go to Prater at last! went on a ride which was awesome...was screaming all the way thru but it was an absolute bomb! on sunday-the day I was flying back to London- we-me and matt- went for bruch and talked for a while. was surprised that he wanted to do something together..was nice of him. I somehow didnt expect it at all. anyway, it's all behind me now..so back to my reality in London..gotta find a job! :-) The dancers' project at The place this week went great. it was very open and got to meet a great bunch of dancers. alright, am off now.
Friday, July 23, 2004
The weather has been perfect so far...I mean this week..just really hot summer days..gorgeous.
now Im really liking my staying in Vienna and it's coming to an end this sunday!.. how sad!!! the other day,i went to Rathouse to see Jazz concert with Yoko and Winnie chan and yesterday, went to see Stephanie's dress rehearsal at Akademi theatre as I couldn't make it to her performance tonight..and tonight, i went to see this korean film called 'Spring summer fall winter and spring' at Gawts plats where they have an outside kino. Tickets were sold out just before us and we were so gutted that we coulnt get in. anyway, we-Rosie, Young, Ingetje and myself- decided to have some food first (it always helps) and got creative that we moved the table and chairs we were sitting on, behind where the fence was and actually managed to see the film! (we had to put chairs on the table and sit on top of it to be able to see the screen so it was a bit risky in a way but..definitely worth it!)
The film had an amazing cinematography. Really beautifully done. I wonder where they filmed it..when I visit Korea next time, I definitely wanna travel around..hopefully see the hidden beauty that I missed all the while I lived there.
I will be seeing Young tomorrow night for vienna special- ICE CREAM! haha, ive been very naughty this week..having all sorts of ice cream, chocolates and cakes. oh well, it's all good. Having friends around makes my whole stay so much more enjoyable. I mean Matt has been really nice to me and generous to me- letting me stay at his flat for 3-Long-wks. however, I guess it's definitely time for me to leave..sometimes i feel uneasy around him..He got really annoyed the other morning when I went into his room to use his computer while he was sleeping there.. guess it was totally my fault invading his place like that, or not respecting his own space ..he was awake before so I thought it was alright..(later found out that it obviously wasn't) the way he said was more of a wake-up call for me. "I mean "someone" is in the room sleeping..and u just came in" That SOMEONE I thought was my friend, not just Someone. but obviously we have a different definition for friendship. This is when I see the two different cultural values conflict inside me. there's no good or bad..they are just different. he just said how he was seeing it from his point of view and I could see where he was coming from and at the same time, I could also see why I did what I did..didn't try to explain anything about it thou..just said I was really sorry and that it was totally my fault. cuz it's just really hard to explain ... I mean..trying to explain a concept that they dont have it in their culture... i shoud've realized it sooner.. i mean I knew it but sometimes I feel it's ..I dont know how to end this sentence. so I will stop it here.
now Im really liking my staying in Vienna and it's coming to an end this sunday!.. how sad!!! the other day,i went to Rathouse to see Jazz concert with Yoko and Winnie chan and yesterday, went to see Stephanie's dress rehearsal at Akademi theatre as I couldn't make it to her performance tonight..and tonight, i went to see this korean film called 'Spring summer fall winter and spring' at Gawts plats where they have an outside kino. Tickets were sold out just before us and we were so gutted that we coulnt get in. anyway, we-Rosie, Young, Ingetje and myself- decided to have some food first (it always helps) and got creative that we moved the table and chairs we were sitting on, behind where the fence was and actually managed to see the film! (we had to put chairs on the table and sit on top of it to be able to see the screen so it was a bit risky in a way but..definitely worth it!)
The film had an amazing cinematography. Really beautifully done. I wonder where they filmed it..when I visit Korea next time, I definitely wanna travel around..hopefully see the hidden beauty that I missed all the while I lived there.
I will be seeing Young tomorrow night for vienna special- ICE CREAM! haha, ive been very naughty this week..having all sorts of ice cream, chocolates and cakes. oh well, it's all good. Having friends around makes my whole stay so much more enjoyable. I mean Matt has been really nice to me and generous to me- letting me stay at his flat for 3-Long-wks. however, I guess it's definitely time for me to leave..sometimes i feel uneasy around him..He got really annoyed the other morning when I went into his room to use his computer while he was sleeping there.. guess it was totally my fault invading his place like that, or not respecting his own space ..he was awake before so I thought it was alright..(later found out that it obviously wasn't) the way he said was more of a wake-up call for me. "I mean "someone" is in the room sleeping..and u just came in" That SOMEONE I thought was my friend, not just Someone. but obviously we have a different definition for friendship. This is when I see the two different cultural values conflict inside me. there's no good or bad..they are just different. he just said how he was seeing it from his point of view and I could see where he was coming from and at the same time, I could also see why I did what I did..didn't try to explain anything about it thou..just said I was really sorry and that it was totally my fault. cuz it's just really hard to explain ... I mean..trying to explain a concept that they dont have it in their culture... i shoud've realized it sooner.. i mean I knew it but sometimes I feel it's ..I dont know how to end this sentence. so I will stop it here.
Sunday, July 18, 2004
Ive already been in Vienna for 2wks. It went fast, thou there were days that didn't go as fast.. Yesterday was so hot and humid..just perfect weather ..the kind which gives u the feeling of 'oh my god, its summer and Im in vienna!' It's awesome. Ive got one week to go and would like to make the most of it. I know I will miss it when I get back to London but funny, I am missing London 2. Something I thought I woulnt really do..haha, but I do miss it. I miss my little box (my room, so tiny that I call it 'my box') and flatties, friends etc..wonder what would be waiting for me when I get back there. Havent planned anything..have absolutely nothing planned for august onwards..guess my life will show me as time comes.
I am missing the feeling of being-connected. ah, that's it. whether it's with a close friend or maybe with a totally random person..u know the connection u feel when u are with the right one at the right moment..not the kind u 'try' to feel but the one that feels just right in ur heart. Sometimes it happes when u are travelling..u strike a conversation with a person sitting next you in the bus or on the street and u share this 'timeless' moment..it goes so fast u get surprised how long you'd been talking to each other not actually realzing the time and get surprised how much information -which can be quite personal 2- u shared..
I would love to sit in the park listening to some nice music and just talk my heart out.. :-) well, might do that today! (as it's only 9am..the day has just begun!)
*
*
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Random extracts from CWG I wrote down last week..
Just remember this: being is instant. compared to that, your thought is very slow. As fast as thought is, it is very slow compared to being.
Remember a time when you fell in love. There was a moment, a magical split second, when you first felt that love. It may have hit you, as you are fond of saying 'like a ton of bricks'..suddenly it came over you. You looked at that person across the room, across the dining table, across the front seat of the car, and all at once you knew that you loved them. It was sudden. It was instant. It was not something you had to think about. It just 'happened.' You may have thought about it later. You may even have thought about it beforehand - I wonder what it would be like to be in love with that person - but in that moment when you first felt it, first knew it in your heart, it just swept over you. It happened much too fast for you to have 'thought' it there. You simply found yourself there, being in love. You can be in love before you've even thought about it.
It's the same with gratitude. When you feel gratitude, no one has to tell you, 'It's time to feel gratitude.' You simply, quite spontaneously, feel grateful. You find yourself being grateful before you even think about it. Gratefulness is a state of being. There is no word like 'lovefullness' in your language, but there should be.
-------
Gratitude is a state of being which announces my clarity that I already have what it is I think I need. In other words, if I am thanking god for something, rather than asking god for something, I must know that it is already in place.
because when you thank God, you're being aware that all good things in life have already come to you; that everything you need - the right and perfect people, places and events - to express and experience and evolve as you have chosen has already been put in place for you.
"even before you ask, I will have answered"
Everything is perfect, just the way it is. 'even if things don't look perfect.'
Especially if they don't look perfect, that is a sure sign that there's something huge for you to remember here.
Gratitude is the fastest form of healing.
what you resist, persists. what you are grateful for can then serve you, as it was meant to do. I have told you :
I have sent you nothing but angels.
now I will add :
I have given you nothing but miracles.
---------------
Nothing inhibits you loving each other more than the thought that you have something to lose.
Expectation - this is a state in which you have an idea that someone else in your life is to perform in a particular way, is going to show up as who you think they are, or who you think they should be. Like need, expectation is deadly. Expectation reduces freedom, and freedom is the essence of love. When you love someone, you grant them total freedom to be who they are, for this is the greatest gift you could give them, and love always gives the greatest gift.
----------
Random notes I wrote down on my diary last week..
"Before anything, I need to forgive myself."
'separation' feeling of separation..that's what was bugging my mind..
now that everything is out, open..I can finally let it go..let it fly away from my mind..
total blessing...
I am missing the feeling of being-connected. ah, that's it. whether it's with a close friend or maybe with a totally random person..u know the connection u feel when u are with the right one at the right moment..not the kind u 'try' to feel but the one that feels just right in ur heart. Sometimes it happes when u are travelling..u strike a conversation with a person sitting next you in the bus or on the street and u share this 'timeless' moment..it goes so fast u get surprised how long you'd been talking to each other not actually realzing the time and get surprised how much information -which can be quite personal 2- u shared..
I would love to sit in the park listening to some nice music and just talk my heart out.. :-) well, might do that today! (as it's only 9am..the day has just begun!)
*
*
*
Random extracts from CWG I wrote down last week..
Just remember this: being is instant. compared to that, your thought is very slow. As fast as thought is, it is very slow compared to being.
Remember a time when you fell in love. There was a moment, a magical split second, when you first felt that love. It may have hit you, as you are fond of saying 'like a ton of bricks'..suddenly it came over you. You looked at that person across the room, across the dining table, across the front seat of the car, and all at once you knew that you loved them. It was sudden. It was instant. It was not something you had to think about. It just 'happened.' You may have thought about it later. You may even have thought about it beforehand - I wonder what it would be like to be in love with that person - but in that moment when you first felt it, first knew it in your heart, it just swept over you. It happened much too fast for you to have 'thought' it there. You simply found yourself there, being in love. You can be in love before you've even thought about it.
It's the same with gratitude. When you feel gratitude, no one has to tell you, 'It's time to feel gratitude.' You simply, quite spontaneously, feel grateful. You find yourself being grateful before you even think about it. Gratefulness is a state of being. There is no word like 'lovefullness' in your language, but there should be.
-------
Gratitude is a state of being which announces my clarity that I already have what it is I think I need. In other words, if I am thanking god for something, rather than asking god for something, I must know that it is already in place.
because when you thank God, you're being aware that all good things in life have already come to you; that everything you need - the right and perfect people, places and events - to express and experience and evolve as you have chosen has already been put in place for you.
"even before you ask, I will have answered"
Everything is perfect, just the way it is. 'even if things don't look perfect.'
Especially if they don't look perfect, that is a sure sign that there's something huge for you to remember here.
Gratitude is the fastest form of healing.
what you resist, persists. what you are grateful for can then serve you, as it was meant to do. I have told you :
I have sent you nothing but angels.
now I will add :
I have given you nothing but miracles.
---------------
Nothing inhibits you loving each other more than the thought that you have something to lose.
Expectation - this is a state in which you have an idea that someone else in your life is to perform in a particular way, is going to show up as who you think they are, or who you think they should be. Like need, expectation is deadly. Expectation reduces freedom, and freedom is the essence of love. When you love someone, you grant them total freedom to be who they are, for this is the greatest gift you could give them, and love always gives the greatest gift.
----------
Random notes I wrote down on my diary last week..
"Before anything, I need to forgive myself."
'separation' feeling of separation..that's what was bugging my mind..
now that everything is out, open..I can finally let it go..let it fly away from my mind..
total blessing...
Tuesday, July 13, 2004
The ImpulsTanz festival workshops started yesterday and Im doing 3 classes this week. It's quite full on as each workshops about 2 hour-long.
Capoeira class this morning was great. quite challenging physically but i felt really good after the class. then did another 2hour-long contemporary class without a break..by the end of the class, i got soooo tired and hungry..had a break before the last workshop which was Ultima Vez Rep. It rocked. really cool..love it.
I had alot to write last week but something just kept stopping me from writing them down here..today, I thought about Jeroen, my ex-boy and good-ole friend. Wonder how he's doing..sometimes I can't help myself noticing how I'm used to his manner.. Little things like how he'd offer to take my bag if I was carrying a heavy bag or how he'd always offer me before he eats, how he'd wait for me if I was to wait for the bus no matter how late it is or how tired he is...why was i thinking of that? I sometimes feel shocked-well, not as dramatic as 'shocked'..should say that I feel a bit sad or disappointed about how people -sometimes friends to whom I thought I was quite close- would act..'selfish-individual' the truth..they are perfectly fine but it's just that I notice myself noticing it as I have two different cultural attitudes in me and sometime I prefer one to another...oh, shuddup robin. sleep!
ok go to bedddddddd...
Capoeira class this morning was great. quite challenging physically but i felt really good after the class. then did another 2hour-long contemporary class without a break..by the end of the class, i got soooo tired and hungry..had a break before the last workshop which was Ultima Vez Rep. It rocked. really cool..love it.
I had alot to write last week but something just kept stopping me from writing them down here..today, I thought about Jeroen, my ex-boy and good-ole friend. Wonder how he's doing..sometimes I can't help myself noticing how I'm used to his manner.. Little things like how he'd offer to take my bag if I was carrying a heavy bag or how he'd always offer me before he eats, how he'd wait for me if I was to wait for the bus no matter how late it is or how tired he is...why was i thinking of that? I sometimes feel shocked-well, not as dramatic as 'shocked'..should say that I feel a bit sad or disappointed about how people -sometimes friends to whom I thought I was quite close- would act..'selfish-individual' the truth..they are perfectly fine but it's just that I notice myself noticing it as I have two different cultural attitudes in me and sometime I prefer one to another...oh, shuddup robin. sleep!
ok go to bedddddddd...
Monday, July 12, 2004
hey Im in Vienna, austria!! arghhh, how i wanted to be here, away from London..
am having an OK time..oopsi, gotta go off line now.
am having an OK time..oopsi, gotta go off line now.
Monday, July 05, 2004
Trust the process..
Know and understand that you are bringing it to your Self.
SEE THE PERFECTION.
See it in everything, not just in things that you call Perfect.
No one can creat your experience of anything.
Other beings can, and do, co-create tje exterior circumstances and events of the life you live in common, but the one thing that no one else can do is cause you to have an experience of ANYTHING you do not choose to experience.
In this, you are a Supreme being. And no one- NO ONE- can tell you 'how to be.'
The world can present you with circumstances, but only you decide what those circumstances mean.
Remember the truth I gave you long ago.
Nothing Matters.
I was in Soho when I got a text from Steven that he's having a few drinks with his mates in camden. so I went there to join them for a while. had a good fun, just chilling out, watching Euro2004 final game on screen (Greece won against portugal)..until I found out that someone's gone thru my bag and stole my wallet. -.-
I only found out later when I was about to get on the bus to go home..my wallet was missing..shiiiiit. went back to the pub we were in and found out that my notebook was left on the table next to where we were sitting..so Obviously someone opened my bag and took out my notebook and only taken the wallet. Had to cancel my bank accounts and credit cards. how annoying..I mean, I cant get any cash out of my bank account and Im off to Vienna tomorrow...didnt even have a few pounds for bus/tube. Luckily a girl who was playing pool at the pub kindly gave me her travel card to use..well, there is always a way..?!
Funny how I was reading the last part of CWG3 where it was mentioning 'See the perfection in Life'..i was like..ok...it's hard to believe somebody stealing my wallet as part of the perfection. So I read the part again..
I felt like its almost like trying to test me..someone's stolen your wallent..can u see the Perfection in it? the answer is YES. The world can present you with circumstances, but only you decide what those circumstances mean.No one can creat your experience of anything.
Other beings can, and do, co-create tje exterior circumstances and events of the life you live in common, but the one thing that no one else can do is cause you to have an experience of ANYTHING you do not choose to experience.
In this, you are a Supreme being. And no one- NO ONE- can tell you 'how to be.'
I am not hurt, no big damages done in any form apart from my cards and id cards are gone. It's only that it'll be inconvenient for a while until I get all my cards re-issued and stuff. So that's just a fact and whether I let it cause me to experience of anger, frustration etc or not is my decision.. which I dont have to choose. I guess the perfection is in there..seeing it thru..
Jinwook lend me some cash for the time being. See? it's not TOO bad..there is always a way.
what a good insight i've found out. :-)
Know and understand that you are bringing it to your Self.
SEE THE PERFECTION.
See it in everything, not just in things that you call Perfect.
No one can creat your experience of anything.
Other beings can, and do, co-create tje exterior circumstances and events of the life you live in common, but the one thing that no one else can do is cause you to have an experience of ANYTHING you do not choose to experience.
In this, you are a Supreme being. And no one- NO ONE- can tell you 'how to be.'
The world can present you with circumstances, but only you decide what those circumstances mean.
Remember the truth I gave you long ago.
Nothing Matters.
I was in Soho when I got a text from Steven that he's having a few drinks with his mates in camden. so I went there to join them for a while. had a good fun, just chilling out, watching Euro2004 final game on screen (Greece won against portugal)..until I found out that someone's gone thru my bag and stole my wallet. -.-
I only found out later when I was about to get on the bus to go home..my wallet was missing..shiiiiit. went back to the pub we were in and found out that my notebook was left on the table next to where we were sitting..so Obviously someone opened my bag and took out my notebook and only taken the wallet. Had to cancel my bank accounts and credit cards. how annoying..I mean, I cant get any cash out of my bank account and Im off to Vienna tomorrow...didnt even have a few pounds for bus/tube. Luckily a girl who was playing pool at the pub kindly gave me her travel card to use..well, there is always a way..?!
Funny how I was reading the last part of CWG3 where it was mentioning 'See the perfection in Life'..i was like..ok...it's hard to believe somebody stealing my wallet as part of the perfection. So I read the part again..
I felt like its almost like trying to test me..someone's stolen your wallent..can u see the Perfection in it? the answer is YES. The world can present you with circumstances, but only you decide what those circumstances mean.No one can creat your experience of anything.
Other beings can, and do, co-create tje exterior circumstances and events of the life you live in common, but the one thing that no one else can do is cause you to have an experience of ANYTHING you do not choose to experience.
In this, you are a Supreme being. And no one- NO ONE- can tell you 'how to be.'
I am not hurt, no big damages done in any form apart from my cards and id cards are gone. It's only that it'll be inconvenient for a while until I get all my cards re-issued and stuff. So that's just a fact and whether I let it cause me to experience of anger, frustration etc or not is my decision.. which I dont have to choose. I guess the perfection is in there..seeing it thru..
Jinwook lend me some cash for the time being. See? it's not TOO bad..there is always a way.
what a good insight i've found out. :-)
