Life is Beautiful

:-)


the key to the kingdom is in me.

I have it!!!!!

feeling absolutely shit. but knowing that I'm just dreaming. need to wake up.
listening to a song 'Hotel California'...welcome to the hotel california..such a lovely place..such a lovely face...

ugly faces. gotta face them.
am having a 'pause' moment...i know I cant stop..only pausing for a second..cuz they wont go away until I truly face them and see what they are, as they are.


enjoy. why dont I enjoy. I might as well have fun doing it...it's enlightening to see what's been laying inside me and to get rid of them.

a new beginning.
every moment.





wake up!

:-)

gosh, it's already may the 8th.

i dont think i will be writing this anymore.. thesedays I actually understand that there is only eternal moment. so the time does not exist. Past does not exist..

arrrhhh should shuudup.

The truth will truly set you free.







love



robin

gee, what a joke..what an episode of my life..

the guy I had a big crush on..he's married!!!

and the truth is...


so what?

wasnt LOVE UNCONDITIONAL... :-) yes it is.

:-)


well,,,this is email I just wrote to him...then.


-------------------------------

Hey
I really enjoyed the chat we had in the northern line tube...after u left, I couldnt stop laughing at myself for what Ive done...gee, it's brilliant!

I really want to THANK YOU...I mean it...

I learnt so much (and am still learning as Im still living) and it was really a liberating experience for me... maybe one of the best thing that ever happened to me.

Letting go of my fear was the biggest thing for me and as I let go of my fear, it did let me go..it freed me. I am still who I am..nothings changed... Im realizing that we have so much love in ourselves but not expressing it enough becuase of Fear. so thank you.... and now I will have to thank your wife too as she's part of you, part of this universe. oops...NOw I think of it..HAD I KNOWN u had a wife, I wouldve got MORE chocolates so that you two have enough! :-) sorry I just didnt know. hehe.


I have nothing but love for life itself... so I cant really lose anything, can I. :-) the only thing i need to do is to express and share it with others I guess... which I do everyday either by smiling at people or by Dancing or giving chocolates to someone who's happily married.


Life is beautiful and I will see u around!!


smiles

robin

TO be fully naked. Being able to see your 'self' being naked. the only way you can be with your truth. the denials. the false image of yourself defending yourself from your distorted image that u dont want to face...


-----------------Wednesday, 26 January 2005 6:23:30
To : kolitha

it's me, the mother superior...
arrrgghhh.

am doing fine, everthing is great. til a couple of weeks ago! :-) I was coming out of a changing room and this guy walked passed..we looked at each other..there was this long corridor and as I looked back at him, he was also looking back at me from the end of the other side..then i knew..'dammit!'....... he's a choreographer/dancer..originally from Israel. I never thought of him or thought i would have feelings for him..so bizzaire. it's...i dont know, the eye contact..? that just got me right in my heart. ..maybe Im imagining. gee. he knows me..as in, we would say hello to each other when we see each other..but other than that..Nothing. -.-

it's also not good for my spritual path!!!! hahahahaha. Im actually at the place where I teach and where he choreographs..he was here like 5min ago. He just walked in and checked something on the internet and went out...I thought my heart would come out of my throat! it's mental! (shuddup koli, I can see u laughing ur head out now!)

ok..that's my sad story..dont know if he's seeing someone, dont know how old he is..(must be late 20s or early 30s) even if he is actually straight or not.(my gaydar says he's STRAIGHT as!) duh.

im like 27!! will be 28 by the end of this year! im too old to be like a school girl!!!
(he just came in and sitting next to me. what is this..like a running commentary of ..a love-at-first-sight? bridget jone's diary? gee gotta stop this. otherwise I will be the next bridget jones!)

Im sending u this email and yes..Im going to a class..

-.- what should i do. silly billy.

love you heaps.

robin
--------------------------------------------------------

even the moment I knew I liked him, I wanted to deny.
why now? why do I feel this? I dont want to be distracted.
but now i see it. it's showing me how much i was controlling myself over simple things. throughout my whole life. being myself. the idea I had that I do what I want... even that was me controlling myself.


dancing. Dancing makes me happy. that's why I dance...?!
No, it can't be. I am myself. so I dance.

dancing is me, exppressed.
dancing is me, experienced myself expressed.
whether it's happiness in me, the sadness or the madness, darkness or my insanity.
or...just pure 'Being'ness.


:-)

it's 24th Jan. 2005.
didnt get to write anything on this almost for 2months.

I'm the Place library and am teaching the open level this evening.
well, this is not what I wanna say.. anyway, who's reading this? u koli? dont be naughty!

dont know whether youve got my email..that i will be dancing with Royal Opera...in France!
man, I cant wait til the day where I get to dance in the opera where you'd be singing..woudlnt it be nice?? :-)

lotsa to tell ya..
but better get going.
Library isnt exactly the right place for me to write this...


cheers